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During a meeting with a bereaved family, the distraught mother turned to me and asked, how will I ever get through this, how have you survived? I realised I really didn't have an answer for her. However when I arrived home I sat quietly and began to think back overthe years. Alan my lovely 25yr old son was stabbed in an unprovoked attack and died on14th February 1992. I thought to myself where have all those years gone, how have I survived for 16yrs without him. I know it has been a long hard journey to get here. I can best describe it as a long dark lonely path, a path that I had to walk along I had no choice.
The way through this path was rough and bumpy; I felt I was carrying a burden on my shoulders. My arms were laden with such heavy parcels and packages, so difficult to hold onto. On my journey over the years I can remember how I tripped and stumbled, I fell flat but somehow I managed to pick myself up again and carry on. I would go a bit further then lose my hold on the parcels and packages, as I would stoop to pick one up another would fall I struggled on, I was tired, my arms ached, my heart was breaking but somehow I carried on along the path although, there seemed to be no end in sight.
But at some stage I don't quite know when, the path began to get a little smoother, my arms became stronger slowly I began to hold onto those parcels and packages so they would stay in place. However there are still occasions when I take a tumble and my arms weaken, I can still feel that awful pain. It is then that I feel the warmth and the strength from my beloved Alan, whom I'm sure lifted me up when I fell, it is he who helped me carry those heavy parcels and packages when I was so weak. He has been my guide throughout. Now I understand how I have survived all these years. I still cannot see the end of the road and maybe I never will but the love and the wonderful memories I treasure of my son has brought me to where I am today. Oh yes I still miss him, yes I still cry for him, and my heart still aches with the pain but I know he will walk beside me for however long it takes, giving me hope, giving me strength, as I feel his love surround me.
I hope you too will find the strength to continue along that path, believe me you will not be walking alone.
Marie Ellis |
